Not Anymore

I’ve crumbled to the words you keep saying when you speak out of mind. Crumbled to the thoughts you keep away when you tire to speak so you sit there, I watch you breathe, for once at ease. Digesting your own illicit desires, seeing the world and those around it as conventional not much different than the beer you crack at late afternoons or the cigarette you kiss and suck the fiery air that burns to ashes after a heavy day at work or the pressure that dumbs down your neurotic nature. But how is it that you grew weary of talking? Rather you pick yourself up only to drag yourself on the floor again so I get confused and step back only to stand from a distance! Lover in sight never interfering, always burrying the potholes that you keep getting past.

How can I trust or believe what you never say? The hard guilt and the folded memories that seem to not make sense so you dive right into them, fully pressing your soul onto these long lost inflexible depictions of what you thought you were. Love was never real in your world so you say and question mine but how can you see with those blurred eyes that are filled with tears? Ones you never wanna drop because if too many or too much while so alone, you might drown, in your own tears. I am your lifeguard for the time being, you are going to lose sight in me but I always have you in sight! Even though i am deaf to your silence i am not blind to your actions.

For i always wonder and go back to how you were with me, freely you were and a lot lively then than now. I kept you intact but you kept away while in my arms. Now what we used to feel is carved within and beyond these walls covered with flesh and in vain it lives beyond thee, the sharpened ivory of love which i held by my left hand pierced through my heavy bloody veins, one way ticket to a land filled with honey and warmth. These are steaming and honking trains to self, if ever i get through to your truthful and open self only then my idea of pain might be foreign, because it is so when i feel empty in your presence rather alone with you.

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