The Will To Love

What boils under my skin.
Ever wonder how encounters are relatable yet feel obscure, your mind
spiralling into what is known to what has to be explored. I can only imagine and experience as well, the past few weeks have been a heavy experiment of socialisation it’s good to pour wine into a wine glass and let that glass kiss another with a cheer. Love lives here, no love lives there clearly my mind is doubtable enough to make improper decisions to this social issue and to other issues as well.

To agree or not to agree love lives there! where you can see it but
cannot touch it, the free will given to us through birth can let you feel it! by choice it surely can. There she was, a remarkable aesthetic, a smile so contagious i can only sing Goosebumps in my head while she is waiting for me to come up with a conversation “uh, uhm how was your day today?” stuttering a bit i ask “it was just alright nothing new, same old routine, how was yours?” she replies ” it was just cool” i confidently reply and a sudden awkward silence occur. In this instance my mind is running with ideas but while doing so it exhaust them, creating an overwhelming environment in my head also an awkward environment outside my head, busy picking and questioning the right ideas, usually i never think twice my mind would just make my mouth and tongue express whatever that is up there. “What type of fish do you love?” we had a conversation about seafood minutes later after the silence as i ask this question to avoid another hiatus “The one that swims alone” she replies as she swallows the last stream of her wine “wow you really pounded that wine” i reply surprised “did it excite or amuse you?” she asks, her eyes are a lot more beautiful when she narrows them “no not at all, uhm is the fish looking for Nemo?” i ask then she giggles “no dummy just that i admire the struggle of it’s life i mean for it to swim alone, hunt and eat alone, growing alone and causing it’s own wave though the wave won’t be bigger than that caused by grouped ones the fish would just go with the flow unbothered” she replies a slight sigh from me “whoa that sounds
deep, you get it? like fish from the ocean and…” she laughs and replies
“yeah yeah i get it, you really suck at making jokes” she laughs again as
i crack too “yeah yeah but for real the fish would be lonely, just hoping
that on it’s journey it’ll get to meet a couple of fishes that it can relate to, you know even one fish that would be cool too at least for it to grow with and take on the path of an adventure” i raise my glass of wine as awkward as it is, felt like i was tipsy to just do that movement, silly enough she raised her glass and replied “that wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all”.

Love lives there, i asked my self why did my mind not let me express
whatever that was running through it at that moment, a bit unusual is
it?. Did i confuse a common social instance with a common intimate one?.
I had a great time we talked a lot more from then and spent a lot of time
together maybe i just have to show her everyday maybe i should just live
in this moment with her, showing her how much she means to me wouldn’t
be such a bad idea after all, embracing all she is. So should i wait for her to “feel”(as i claim it like that) or should i just show her that she has a choice like i did, automatically instincts can be right or wrong so who am i to know? can i know by acting upon any choice i choose to take heed from?. Love lives there, where i will choose to lay with all my flaws and perfections where i’ll choose to let go of the idea of you maybe then i can touch love and feel it’s scars before seeing it’s beauty maybe then i’ll say love lives here.

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